When Family Can’t Even Be Family

I still try.

I babysit for my sister so she can go to school or go out.

I have my husband pick up things on the way home for anyone that asks.

I help in any way that I can.

We try to take grandma out to the store and stuff.

I try to visit my mother and step father.

I try to make plans with my father and step mother as well.

I always get shot down or bailed on.

I can only rely on  my husband for anything.

We live so close to my family. I should be able to see them once a week.

I will sometimes ask for little things or help with something but nobody can.

Everyone is too busy with work or school or their kids.

If tell them that I have things that I have to do when they want help then they get angry and are just mean, I will be called lazy or other things that I know in my heart is wrong.

I will always be the black sheep.

I feel bad.

We live so close to all of my side of the family but honestly it seems like they live so far away.

I am debating on up and moving near my husband’s family, who calls all the time just to visit, checks in on us, and loves us.

They feel like my real family.

I wish that we could move and live near them.

They live in a different  state.

My husband has sacrificed so much on this mission that I have to try to repair my family.

I think I need to stop trying and start worrying about me and my husband and children.

If we move it will be six hours away, and we would have family.

I feel like I really need family right now but mine just isn’t really here.

If we move I will have to find a whole new team of doctors and apply for Medicaid there. I would have to find a new endocrinologist and a new school system for my children. I would have to find a new psychiatrist, a new therapist for myself and two of my children.

I want to move.

It seems so hard.


If Somebody Can’t Love You At Your Worst They Do Not Deserve You At Your Best.

Today I feel as though the world is closing in.

My husband will be home soon to help me through this.

I am in major pain.

The most amazing man will be home to take care of me.

My daughter is having crazy blood sugars.

My husband called the doctors for her last night to get her a changed dose.

My anxiety is through the roof, with my daughters blood sugar going all crazy, the school meeting that I have tonight, my volunteer work this weekend.

He must be crazy too because he is helping with it all.

I am going through a “down” period with my bipolar.

He is here with me texting me all day when he can to check on me.

I don’t want to do anything.


He makes me want to do things.

I am really sick, always in pain, overweight, balding, and health-wise nothing is seeming to get better.

He still loves me, tells me that I am beautiful, helps me to the toilet and shower when I need it.

He gets me out of the house on his days off just so that I can have some fresh air.

I love him with all of my heart and soul.

I am so thankful for him.