Family Sucks, People Suck

I pay my step sister to bring my girl’s home from school and today she is sick so she can not.

My sister is just sitting at home and refuses to help, the same with my brother. I could call the kids out earlier so that picking them up wont interfere with their days but nope, no can do. They can’t ever help me. I feel like my family just sucks.

My mother is actually taking off work a little early to get them today. This is the first time ever. She has let me know that it is a one time thing and she can’t do this in the future.

I would just walk up to the school if my back wasn’t fractured and giving me this much pain. I might even attempt to walk up there once it warms up.

Right now its super cold here and there is snow and ice everywhere. My son with Sensory Processing Disorder will not walk in the snow and its next to impossible to push a stroller through the snow and use my walker. I can’t even do it with my cane.

Today my littlest can’t stop puking. Leaving the house is not really an option.

I need to get a cheep van. Then I won’t have to rely on anyone and I can just go drive to get them.

Everyone says make them walk but it’s too cold, they’re only in kindergarten and first grade and my first grader is type one diabetic.

This is getting hard. I am making a go fund me to help with a van. I don’t need anything pretty just functional that has enough seats.



Bipolar Lows…

As you know I have recently found out that I am pregnant.

It turns out that I was not very far along and that is why my levels were so low.

I have had a bad past few weeks.

I am extremely sick, not just morning sickness but extreme respiratory flu as well. I have been stuck to the couch not able to do much of anything but try to rest and take care of my children.

I got the stomach flu while I have been sick with this respiratory thing and my kids have it too.

My daughters sugars have gone crazy with all of the medications. She is not herself when her sugars bounce around to extremes.

My son just had his diagnostic appointment with a child psychiatrist and we have found some things out.

  1. He has Sensory Processing Disorder.
  2. Expressive/Receptive speech disorder.
  3. Possibly autism but we can’t finish testing until he is a little bit older.

On top of all of this I just feel like I am loosing it. I have so much going on and my brain is on overload.

Being pregnant they had to try other bipolar meds which didn’t work just to circle around to put me back on the old ones.

With Ziprexa we just don’t know the risks during pregnancy but I also don’t feel like now is a time to stop my meds.

So yeah big down lately, I am sorry that it took so long to get back to everyone.

Thank you for reading.

If Somebody Can’t Love You At Your Worst They Do Not Deserve You At Your Best.

Today I feel as though the world is closing in.

My husband will be home soon to help me through this.

I am in major pain.

The most amazing man will be home to take care of me.

My daughter is having crazy blood sugars.

My husband called the doctors for her last night to get her a changed dose.

My anxiety is through the roof, with my daughters blood sugar going all crazy, the school meeting that I have tonight, my volunteer work this weekend.

He must be crazy too because he is helping with it all.

I am going through a “down” period with my bipolar.

He is here with me texting me all day when he can to check on me.

I don’t want to do anything.


He makes me want to do things.

I am really sick, always in pain, overweight, balding, and health-wise nothing is seeming to get better.

He still loves me, tells me that I am beautiful, helps me to the toilet and shower when I need it.

He gets me out of the house on his days off just so that I can have some fresh air.

I love him with all of my heart and soul.

I am so thankful for him.

Today’s Fibro Flare

I feel a heartbeat all throughout my entire body.

I feel my skin, muscles and bones pulsating.

I feel pain everywhere.

I can just lay here and hope that it passes soon.

I am too dizzy to stand or walk.

I am too warm to sleep.

I am too shaky to eat.

I am just stuck.

The pain lasts for hours and sometimes days.

The heartbeat feeling is my blood pressure spiking to a dangerous level.

The pulsating that I am feel hurts so bad.

I want to get up and get my stuff done.

I want to be able to take a nap.

It would be nice to be able to keep something down.

Fibro flares are no joke.

These “flares” or “attacks” are becoming more and more frequent.

What am I going to do if the next one doesn’t end.

So I Got Denied SSI

Awhile back I had applied for Supplementary Security Income. I am disabled and have many health issues going on.

Part of my back is broken, an ongoing skin disease which every flare hurts like death (HS), fibromyalgia, bipolar, depression, PTSD, anxiety, RA, PG, severe asthma, and just so much going on.

I can hardly walk through my house to use the restroom.

I can’t really reach to wipe my own but without the magic wand because of the inflammation in my spine.

I can not drive because of all of my meds.

I have to be mostly reclined with my feet up most of the day.

I was Denied.

The letter states that my skin disease that will never go away has healed, that I can walk enough to have a job, that I can sit in a desk and that I do not qualify.

I have not been seen by one of their doctors only by a one of their psychiatrists.

My doctor says that I am disabled.

I have a cane and a handicap placard.

I am planning on contacting a lawyer on Monday. I think that this is unfair and I qualify in more than one way.

Diabetes Strikes Again

All day today my daughters sugars have been high. They were in the 200’s at breakfast time then around 10 am they spiked up to the 450’s.

For 10 hours she has had highs from 450 to well over 500.

I have been giving counter units and she has had low to no carbs in her food today.

The doctor called us back and told us to give her extra of her long-lasting insulin for now and see if it helps.

So far it is just getting higher and she is starting to show ketones.

In about an hour if we can’t get it down into the 300’s we are going to have to go to the Emergency Room.

She is only seven and has to go through so much.

Now her tummy and head hurts and she feels like she has heartburn.

Her legs and feet hurt on a daily basis but so far its been chalked up to growing pains.

She is not overweight and diabetes does not run in our family so all of this is still pretty new to her and us.

I sure hope that she starts coming down soon.

Looks like tonight will be full of cuddles.

I will update everyone if we do end up in the ER.

Thanks for reading.

Depression Is A Thief

Depression is a thief,

Depression steals,

Depression takes,

Depression is cruel,

Depression attacks,

Depression steels motivation.

Depression takes minutes, hours, days, nights, years away from us.

Depression is cruel to anyone whom it affects.

Depression attacks everyone it can.

I am fighting depression.

I am getting up out of bed everyday.

I have better security now.

I won’t let it get me.

I will not get my past back.

I will not let my future go to depression.

Depression does not deserve me.

I will come out of it.

I will get better.

I have hope.