I used to be a social butterfly, I had so many friends, I could work, I could focus on school, and I was a supermom.
Now I don’t have many friends, aside from my husband and children my family doesn’t want much to do with me anymore, I can’t hold a job, I’ve dropped out of college, and I hardly leave the house unless its for doctors appointments or to get groceries. I can’t take the kids to the park or the mall, we don’t go out to anything.
All of my life I have had depression and anxiety. I had a tough childhood and got kicked out of my house at 15.
When I was younger I could do anything. I enrolled myself in highschool, I worked overnights so I would have somewhere to sleep at night and money to feed myself. I had straight A’s in highschool. I pushed myself so hard because I was all that I had.
When I was 17 I met the love of my life. We had known each other for a while before that but we didn’t really know eachother until we started hanging out. When we first kissed we both knew that we were soul mates. We have been inseparable since then.
I was staying with a cousin, drinking and making poor decisions and after I met my husband I never left his house. I stayed over so many times that his mother let me move in. I had a job and continued to go to school.
We got pregnant and had our first child when I was 18 almost 19. I then became a stay at home mom. We had our second a year later, our third almost 2 years later and our last almost 3 years after.
I started college after our 3rd child and continued until I was 8 months pregnant with our last.
I had developed many health issued between my 3rd and 4th pregnancy, hypothyroidism, insomnia, chronic bronchitis, reoccurring strep throat, arthritis, IBS and I was just always sick.
When I was really pregnant with my last my grandmother passed away. It hurt so bad because she was someone who was always there for me.
I ended up having a small mental breakdown. I couldn’t focus on school, I was just week and sick all the time and I couldn’t function. I dropped my classes and tried to focus on healing. But since then everything went downhill.
My husband has been there through it all. And its been rough.
After my son was born I had been diagnosed with a staph infection in my breast and the bipolar symptoms really started up. I couldn’t breastfeed after 6 months because of the infection. I eventually saw dermatology and found out that it had been hidradenitis suppurativa all along. I was still constantly tired and sick.
I had planned on weight loss surgery, a breast reduction, surgery to have my tubes tied and to have my tonsils removed.
Then my breast exploded I developed pyoderma gangrenosum. I can’t have any surgeries until its been healed for 12 months.
I since then had C-Diff for 4 months, fractured my back, developed a pars defect,and degenerative disks, then I was diagnosed with fibromialgia and celiac disease.
I am just so sick all of the time and in so much pain. My parents don’t visit me, my siblings don’t come around much and my friends arent involved unless I’m on social media.
I’m the outsider. Life keeps going on no matter how sick I get. Everyone stopped caring after the first few illnesses.
I’ve been called a hypochondriac, and the little boy who cried wolf, by someone close to me. She had also told everyone at the last family dinner at her house not to let me help cook because I am covered in infectious disease.
Nothing that I have is contagious in any way but I am constantly made to feel like everything is, like I am a walking plague.
I am lucky that I have my husband and our children because without them I would have thrown in the towel long ago.