Family Sucks, People Suck

I pay my step sister to bring my girl’s home from school and today she is sick so she can not.

My sister is just sitting at home and refuses to help, the same with my brother. I could call the kids out earlier so that picking them up wont interfere with their days but nope, no can do. They can’t ever help me. I feel like my family just sucks.

My mother is actually taking off work a little early to get them today. This is the first time ever. She has let me know that it is a one time thing and she can’t do this in the future.

I would just walk up to the school if my back wasn’t fractured and giving me this much pain. I might even attempt to walk up there once it warms up.

Right now its super cold here and there is snow and ice everywhere. My son with Sensory Processing Disorder will not walk in the snow and its next to impossible to push a stroller through the snow and use my walker. I can’t even do it with my cane.

Today my littlest can’t stop puking. Leaving the house is not really an option.

I need to get a cheep van. Then I won’t have to rely on anyone and I can just go drive to get them.

Everyone says make them walk but it’s too cold, they’re only in kindergarten and first grade and my first grader is type one diabetic.

This is getting hard. I am making a go fund me to help with a van. I don’t need anything pretty just functional that has enough seats.



(Still Behind On ALL Of Our Bills and It Sucks

I am so far behind on all of my bills. We are making minimum payments so that we can still have food on our table and a roof over our heads. We can not mess up our lease by missing rent, so that is the only thing that we are up to date on. It is really hard to find a house in our town and we can not downsize with our large family. We currently live in a 2 bedroom house with an extra room that has the furnace and water heater inside. My husband and I have this make shift bedroom. At least we have a roof over our heads.

We have been homeless before due to employment issues then credit issues and I can’t do that to my family again. My husband has a great job and everything was all good until I got sick.

We will qualify for heating assistance through the winter which will keep our electricity from being shut off. We are still struggling on water, car payment, and phone bill.

When we got the van that we have now we were forced into buying a vehicle. I had driven two and a half hours away with the kids to visit my brothers and my van engine blew. (Back before I broke my back and could still drive.) It was over a decade old and had an oil leak but I really wanted to see my brothers and the kids received free event tickets to dinosaur quest that happened to be where my brothers lived. I made it close to their house and then the engine blew. I was able to cram the kids into my brothers truck and I rode in the back just for fifteen minutes to get to their house. I had my van looked at and had absolutely no money. The engine was broken so bad that it couldn’t be repaired. I was stranded two and a half hours away and couldn’t have my child ride in the front seat of an old beater truck for two and a half hours and I couldnt make it in the back for that long on the highway. At the time his truck wouldn’t make the drive out either.

So while I was stuck my husband was stuck trying to find a way to bring us home. We only had one vehicle because we had just got on our feet. His work was right across the street from where we lived and he could walk so he did not have to miss work. We did have to come home because the three weeks being stranded was way too long for my daughter to miss work and my brothers could not afford to keep feeding the kids and honestly the kids eat a ton. He went everywhere to look for a vehicle with a 0%down plan. He found a pricy plan. We got a used Kia Sedona and it would cost us $180 every other week and then we had to have full coverage. Full coverage turned out to be extremely expensive, $195 a month. Well there is almost $600 extra a month out just to have a vehicle.

That was last November. We are now stuck with this van for the next 5 years unless we let it go and get it repossessed, even then we can’t be without a vehicle. Payments are way too much and we can not save anything to buy anything different because there is nothing left to save.

So now our bills are way too much.


$700 rent

$150 electric

$140 water

$100 phone

$195 car insurance

$180 x 2 sometimes 3 for van payments


My husband only brings home about $2000 after taxes.

That gives us $355 after we pay our bills. If we pay on them. So far everything is behind because we can not afford anything.

Food is expensive for a family of 6. My daughter is diabetic so she needs things that insurance does not cover. We need about $100 a week for gas to take my husband to and from work now that we moved, to take me to all of the doctors that I see every week, my daughter to her endo appointments, my son to his appointments, the kids home from school, my ER visits and then our trips out to get groceries.

We do get food assistance, a womping $280. It helps but does not get us more than a week and a half of groceries. There is a local food pantry that we can visit once a month and it helps but it does not last either.

I clip coupons, budget and always shop the sales for groceries. Even all of that isn’t enough.

I am waiting for disability to kick in. I am certainly sick enough and have enough chronic conditions and pain that I qualify but the process takes at least a year where I live.

I have to somehow make it to May 2018.

I don’t know how I will do it. My husband wants to get a second job but then I would have no way to get to appointments or to get the kids home from school.

I wish that I could work but I can not pass a work physical to even try. I am at risk for falling because of the spinal injury. I am simply not qualified to do much. I started college but had to put it on hold due to health issues.

We are just in a slump.

Random Acts Of Kindness

My youngest is completely non verbal and we are going to all kinds of therapists, a neurologist and more specialists to help him. He has sensory issues and his doctors think that he is on the autism spectrum.

My son is non verbal yes, but he still yells and screeches. He still has wants and needs. He still needs to be able to communicate. He is only sixteen months but he used to talk. From about nine months until he turned one he could speak full sentences. There was no life changes going on nothing huge happening around him to trigger an emotional response. He gets so frustrated when he can’t communicate. He tries so hard but when his father or myself don’t quite understand what he wants he gets aggressive.

My son hurts himself by head butting, slamming his face into the wall or floor, smacking himself and throws himself flat on his back on the ground. He headbutts, hits, kicks, pinches and bites anyone who he is frustrated with. He was not an aggressive baby. It all just started so abruptly when he lost his speech.

I know toddlers are aggressive, I have three other children who were all toddlers at one point. They were aggressive at times. My oldest had a biting period, my second had a phase where she just was angry at me all of the time because her sister was in school and we were home all day. She would hit me and pinch and scratch but it wasnt all day every day and it was only to me. My oldest son gets in fights with his sisters but he knows when someone is hurt, when he needs to stop, and that no means no.

My youngest is not really behind developmentally. He crawled at three and a half months,  walked at six and a half months, started saying random words from four months on, spoke sentences from nine to twelve months and he follows simple direction most of the time. He can show me colors, shapes, and animals if I ask him to. He is just really aggressive, has stopped speaking, and he does have sensory issues such as; he doesn’t like being buckled into a car seat or stroller, wearing coats, he only will drink what he wants in his cup which is mostly water, he is a really picky eater and it gets hard.

So there is some back story.

Last week I started looking for solutions on having better communication, I looked into picture boards that are in books but I think that those would be too hard for him to flip back and forth and he may not know what each of the pictures mean.

I ended up downloading an app on my phone that had pictures and voice to the pictures to speak full questions and tell me what he needs or wants.

It worked AMAZINGLY! After he was able to communicate he lost a bunch of aggression. He will still hurt himself and others if he does not get his way but he can communicate.

My son was using my phone. My only phone. The phone that I would need to call 911 or to call for other help if needed through the day and I figured that if it were to get broken then we would not be able to replace it with a new one.

I started looking online for a small tablet or old smart phone, just something that I could install this app on so I would still have my phone. I could only afford twenty dollars altogether with shipping and handling and that was if we let some more things go but the app really changed everything and seemed to help my son.

I searched on eBay and I found an older kindle for fifteen dollars with free shipping and I ordered it. After the sender had sent it out she emailed me and asked about what we were going to use it for because kindle apps are limited. I explained that my son is nonverbal and that I found an amazing app that enabled him to communicate and that I just needed a device that I could download the app on.

She informed me that she also had an autistic son and we talked about how small of a world it really is. We chatted and I thanked her over and over for the price because I would not have been able to get anything else for him.

The tablet came and I got it as set up as best as I could, the app that the Kindle store offered for that model was a little bit harder to navigate and the tablet itself was kind of slow but we were making progress. My son could point at the pictures and stuff and it worked.

The next day we came home to put the cold stuff in the refrigerator really quick and then hurry to get in line to get our older kids from school. When we pulled in my husband and myself both looked at each other in confusion, there was a package sent from Amazon Kindle  that was sitting by our back door. We were both afraid to open it because we do not order from amazon due to the prices. Well it was addressed to us and we decided to open it. The woman whom I had ordered the kindle from sent us a super nice yellow (which is my sons favorite color, he picks yellow for everything, even his helmet) children’s tablet that had a larger app selection and came with toddler games and all kinds of fun stuff.

She had left a note saying that she felt that my son could use this. I bawled my eyes out for over an hour then I sent her a lengthy email back from eBay because that’s where we were messaging from before. I thanked her and told her how we would have never been able to afford something like that for our son. I still feel all emotional knowing that there are some great people out there.

It is true, we would not have been able to afford anything like it. My son is so happy to have his tablet. The screen is large and the volume is loud enough to hear his picture words being read clearly. He is communicating and we all so happy.

Random acts of kindness happen all around us. I feel so happy that we got to experience this one. I am putting all of it in my sons baby book so maybe one day he will look back at it and see that this is where his communication picked back up.


I had a random act of kindness happen a little while ago too, I inspired someone to write their healing journey and they started following my blog. This woman helped us out so much, I think she wanted to remain anonymous. She donated fifty dollars into my go fund me and it made it to where we could make a payment on our electric bill this month. Thank you so much for that. If  we weren’t able to make a payment this month we would have lost power until payday then we would have been behind on rent and gotten deeper into this hole of debt that seems never ending. I truly do appreciate all of your help. 🙂