I didn’t really have much of a childhood.
I took care of my siblings, cooked and cleaned. We were often left alone. I was the parent from a young age on.
My parents split when I was twelve. I went to live with my father and visited my mother sometimes and my siblings went back and forth equal times.
My mother couldn’t stand me and every visit would end the same. She would tell me that she hated me and I would be dumped off at my fathers.
At my fathers I was the maid and the cook, the live in nanny for my siblings. I was still alone 90% of the time that my siblings were gone.
I could go anywhere or do anything, I did not have rules, bedtime or a curfew. I wanted structure badly. Excelled in school, and always tried to be the best that I could be.
I was alone craving attention, affection, love and companionship.
I loved my parents but often felt as though I was their burden.
To my mother I was the reason that she ever stayed with my father and she hated me for it.
To my father I was like a roommate.
I was alone.
At 15 I was kicked out, my mother had married and didn’t have room for me, my father started a serious relationship that led to his marriage and there was not room there either.
I enrolled myself in highschool and maintained perfect attendance and a 4.0 GPA. I loved the positive attention from my teachers.
I worked overnight so that I could sleep in my break room before work and on break. In the mornings I would sleep at school for an hour before it started. I walked everywhere that I went. I was too young to get an apartment so I was homeless.
I did go through a year phase where I started dating and I went threw guys like crazy. I let them use me and in return I’d have a roof over my head. I didn’t know any better. I didn’t think that I would amount to anything.
Then one day I started talking to the man who I am married to.
He changed my whole world. He treated me like a goddess and wanted me for me, not my body or what I could do for him but just for me.
About 8 years ago he changed my world for the better and I am forever grateful.